I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
