I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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