i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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