you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
