Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Randomize
