I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize