When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize