could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I have fence marks all over my body
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
