loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
