i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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