I want to have your abortion
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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