why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
