Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
