Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
