I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I need help removing her.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
