Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
