It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
