Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
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