Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Randomize
