Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i love accidental penises.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
