sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I enjoy the company of your penis
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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