We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
