Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Randomize
