My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
