put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
