uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Randomize
