where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Randomize
