his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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