Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
