Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
