He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
