youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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