I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize