Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
