Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
