but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
