Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
