Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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