I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
