You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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