I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
