I wish my penis had an off switch
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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