Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
