When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
