as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
