So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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