It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
