Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
