Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize