he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Randomize
