somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
