That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
