you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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