I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
