Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
