This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize