Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
i came on her dog
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
