Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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