i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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