apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Randomize
