Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
