hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
accomplished twins. life is a go
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize