Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
He uses pillows to masturbate.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
