I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
