i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
