Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
