the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
