i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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