took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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