She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize
