break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
How's work?
Spinning.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
