we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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