Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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