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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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