I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize