I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize