I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
She bit a glass in half.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
