He disabled his match.com account in front of me
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
