There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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