I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
