I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
