You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize