I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
