i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
