I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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