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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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