You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
