She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
