Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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