i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
