I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
did i walk over a car last night?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
