did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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