Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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