Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Who died my cat blue again?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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