with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Randomize
