I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
