The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
