Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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