did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
